Struggle with the comb or leave it wild
Neaten, purge, dust- or let it all hang out...
Go outside or perseverate on the clutter
Lie around, watching a movie or tackle the mountain of journal articles still unread
Fold yet another load of laundry or leave it all undone...
Every day I try to choose a little sanity, a little relief, a little zen. I try to let loose, push away panic attacks over dust bunnies- not ruin a day over a cheerio. But this is my struggle- peace or productivity. And still tonight- even as I reflect on this, my mind is zooming around and around- glass of wine or chapter review? Because I continue to be so hard on myself- not wanting to waver in my dedication and pursuit of perfection. Then I return to the obvious- who cares about perfection if you're miserable? Who cares about achievement if you're burned out?
This is why I need to vacation somewhere other than my house. So I can't spend my days raking and cleaning and loading and unloading the dishwasher and cleaning up for the cleaning lady. I need to get away- fully- and bring my family with me. Not for the cultural experience (which I crave) but for the moments of breathing- digging my feet in the sand, tumbling in the waves, a second margarita.
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