Over and Underwhelmed

Vacation... sweet vacation. Not for flying away and sipping coladas but for standing on my legs, straightening out my house and my head. Trying to gather together again. I'm a third of the way through my intern year and we seem to be maintaining. And I'm doing my best...
To not criticize or back-seat drive
To parent with a minimal amount of time
To be a partner, friend and lover to my hubby- even though we didn't even celebrate our anniversary (almost a month ago) because I was post-call and grumpy... and we had no baby-sitter
To keep my house clean (even when I'm not doing my share and we have outside help every few weeks)
To not care when my house isn't clean or to freak out and clean and de-clutter when really what I want to do is go outside, breathe some fresh air... or take a long nap in the afternoon curled up with Silas

And sometimes I fail and fall apart and lose my shit and ruin a perfectly good afternoon by being anxious about clutter or mess or dirty dishes getting crusty or the laundry piled on top of the dryer- not being folded for days... and then when it's folded, sitting in the middle of our living room in piles taking days to make it back into anyone's drawers.

Then I think- with all that we have going on- isn't it better to just say "Fuck It" and walk away...

So this week, my 1st off in 4 months- I'm going to walk away... or maybe walk towards- a few deep breaths, a yoga class, a hair cut, long breakfasts, planting crocuses. Ease my way into the day instead of hitting the ground running well before dawn. A few days of relief, regeneration and celebration.